War of the Worlds
So, as the end credits of War of the Worlds were rolling and I was wondering just how much money Morgan Freeman was pulling in this summer with bit parts in blockbusters, I realized that Steven Spielberg was teaching us 7 very important lessons.
1. Always do a Feasability Study
Obviously the alien forces were led by bull-headed military types or pie-in-the sky visionaries. Who else would spend thousands of years planting equipment, develop wildly advanced technology, and launch a global attack without doing a basic environmental study to see if there was a deadly contagion.
2. Fix the basement.
If you don't already have a finished basement, start putting away the cash now. Otherwise, you'll end up having to skulk around in a bug-infested, cobweb-covered, rat-crawling, damp
cellar while aliens use their flexible periscope thingies to probe for you. It's much better when you have a comfy chair and don't have to worry about the spiders.
3. Buy a brownstone in Boston.
After your basement is fixed, sell the house and buy a brownstone in a posh neighborhood of Boston. The rest of the world may get crushed, zapped, and sprayed with human blood/alien goo, but evidently aliens don't like brownstones. Not only will your building not get covered with space roots, you will emerge from the planet-leveling catastrophe with nary a
scratch, smudge, or wrinkle. It's the latest in personal protection.
4. Angst-ridden teenage sons are like cockroaches.
No matter how big the explosion/fire-fight/battle, even when they run straight into the fire, they always come back.
5. Charge!
On a related note, evidently the best way to survive an alien invasion is to run straight into the path of the laser blasting, blood sucking aliens. While Ray and Rachel have to endure weird
survival nuts that look like Tim Robbins, bubble-gum colored sphincters, and forced marches, all because they ran AWAY from the death-dealing big brothers of those Minority Report probes, Robby gets home without a scratch by charging right at the beasties.
6. When building a city, be sure to check under the rug.
Somehow these tripod streetwalkers remained buried underground without detection despite huge cities with deep sewer systems and subways and skyscrapers with deep, deep foundations. Obviously someone was being careless.
and finally...
7. There's nothing wrong with a family that a good alien invasion won't cure.
1. Always do a Feasability Study
Obviously the alien forces were led by bull-headed military types or pie-in-the sky visionaries. Who else would spend thousands of years planting equipment, develop wildly advanced technology, and launch a global attack without doing a basic environmental study to see if there was a deadly contagion.
2. Fix the basement.
If you don't already have a finished basement, start putting away the cash now. Otherwise, you'll end up having to skulk around in a bug-infested, cobweb-covered, rat-crawling, damp
cellar while aliens use their flexible periscope thingies to probe for you. It's much better when you have a comfy chair and don't have to worry about the spiders.
3. Buy a brownstone in Boston.
After your basement is fixed, sell the house and buy a brownstone in a posh neighborhood of Boston. The rest of the world may get crushed, zapped, and sprayed with human blood/alien goo, but evidently aliens don't like brownstones. Not only will your building not get covered with space roots, you will emerge from the planet-leveling catastrophe with nary a
scratch, smudge, or wrinkle. It's the latest in personal protection.
4. Angst-ridden teenage sons are like cockroaches.
No matter how big the explosion/fire-fight/battle, even when they run straight into the fire, they always come back.
5. Charge!
On a related note, evidently the best way to survive an alien invasion is to run straight into the path of the laser blasting, blood sucking aliens. While Ray and Rachel have to endure weird
survival nuts that look like Tim Robbins, bubble-gum colored sphincters, and forced marches, all because they ran AWAY from the death-dealing big brothers of those Minority Report probes, Robby gets home without a scratch by charging right at the beasties.
6. When building a city, be sure to check under the rug.
Somehow these tripod streetwalkers remained buried underground without detection despite huge cities with deep sewer systems and subways and skyscrapers with deep, deep foundations. Obviously someone was being careless.
and finally...
7. There's nothing wrong with a family that a good alien invasion won't cure.
posted by T.C. Truffin at 7/05/2005 09:22:00 AM
1 Comments:
I also understand the movie points out that little girls have strong lungs. I still want to see it.
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